Upon investigation, I discovered that numerous men and women have expressed regret over the traditional marriage model of yesterday, where wives were unemployed and stayed home to raise children, cook for their husbands, and clean the house. While this may seem like an idyllic scenario straight out of a 1960s TV show, the reality is that traditional marriage can be a trap.
There are several reasons why traditional marriage may not benefit men, as outlined below. However, it’s important to note that these points are based on a truly traditional spousal relationship. Nevertheless, traditional marriage can also exist in varying degrees. Please read on to learn more.
In a traditional marriage, men are expected to handle all the physically demanding tasks around the house. However, with today’s modern technology, household chores have become much easier and less time-consuming. Dishwashers, washing machines, and cleaning robots have made tasks like washing dishes and cleaning the house effortless. Additionally, the availability of ready-made food has eliminated the need for cooking. On the other hand, tasks such as painting the entire house, changing a car tire, or fixing the garage door still require significant physical effort.
In a traditional marriage, the husband is responsible for handling all external risks and threats. For example, he is expected to investigate any strange noises in the middle of the night or deal with an angry neighbor at his wife’s request.
Traditional marriage also places more responsibilities on the husband. He is expected to take care of himself, his wife, and his daughter (if he has one). This additional burden can weigh heavily on his shoulders. If his wife has a problem with a neighbor, it is the husband’s responsibility to deal with the neighbor and resolve the issue. If the household faces a legal problem, the husband is expected to handle it. In this scenario, the wife has a relatively stress-free life with minimal responsibilities, similar to a child.
In a traditional marriage, the husband is often the sole breadwinner. The woman stays at home, and the man is expected to find a well-paying job to provide for his family. It’s worth noting that even if the woman earns 20% of what her husband earns, it’s still an unbalanced situation. In the context of a traditional marriage, half of the wealth accumulated over the years by the husband is owned by the wife. Therefore, marriage is only fair when both parties earn the same amount of money.
In a traditional marriage, it’s acceptable for a man to marry an unemployed woman, but not the other way around. This is a double standard. In a traditional marriage, it’s okay if the woman doesn’t work, but it’s not okay if the man doesn’t work.
Traditional marriage primarily benefits women, as they typically have fewer responsibilities and can stay at home without having to take any risks. Meanwhile, the man is expected to handle all external risks and face the challenges of the outside world. This results in a comfortable life for the wife within her home (a cocoon), while the husband faces the difficulties of being a worker.
A traditional marriage can be sustainable for young men who earn a significant income and are in good health. However, as men age, the burden on their shoulders becomes increasingly difficult to bear due to the physical and mental toll of aging.
For instance, one of my neighbors in his 70s suffered from Alzheimer’s disease and was bound by traditional marriage. Before his illness, he used to drive and do shopping for his wife, take care of fixing everything in the house, and handle all the technology, such as the TV and internet. After he fell ill, his wife stated that she couldn’t take care of him or do what he used to do. However, they live in a small village where the closest supermarket is only an 8-minute walk away, with almost no car traffic and only one road leading to the village center, which has a supermarket, bakery, city hall, post office, and pharmacy. Clearly, she was accustomed to living a life of ease and wanted to maintain that lifestyle. To make matters worse, since she never worked, their only source of income was his pension, which was not very high as he used to work on markets. Now, they are barely surviving in a very small house.
This is just one example of several traditional marriages that I know of, and it highlights why it’s important for a female companion to work.