The problem with sharing your life with a solo mom
When a man decides to commit to a solo mom who has one or several children, the man faces several issues. It will be difficult to impose his authority.
- The child can tell you that you aren’t his/her real father. The child can mention this aspect of the relationship whenever he/she wants. For example, you decide to share your life with a solo mom when her child is 11 years old and at 15 years old, the child rejects you because you don’t want that he or she goes out after midnight.
- The mother can tell you that you aren’t the real father of her child. Once again, at the beginning of the relationship, she may play nice in order to make you accept the situation. At any point during the relationship, she may decide to change her mind and don’t let you exercise authority over the child. If you decide to share your life with an 11 years old child and if we consider that the child is independent at 20 years old, there is a risk that will last 9 years where at any time, you can face this issue which can’t be fixed.
I found that many step fathers of children decided not to exercise authority at all so that the child-king becomes a monster. I must admit the situation is not simple at all because a non-biological father does not have parental rights. However, if the wife and the child are hosted at the stepfather house, this would allow the stepfather to tell the child and the mother: “look, you live under my roof, you follow my rules.” On the other hand, if the house is owned by the mother, the man is in danger because he can be thrown out of the house at any time. I have found that women were more likely to kick out men than vice versa.
By the way, when I talk about authority, I don’t mean screaming after or hitting the child, the teen. I talk about imposing some rules like asking the child not to be noisy when coming back home.
You have heard about adopted children. I do think that life with an adopted child is much simpler than being the stepfather of a child. It is very interesting to see that the media made hammer that raising an orphan is by default the most difficult and they never talk about children who live with a stepfather and their mother.